Mar

18

Morning

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Now that all the nicotine has left my body, it’s been replaced by this kind of kinetic energy that feels very unfamiliar.  I’m used to an internal world that can be channeled, and normally I’d just pour this phenomenon into something…an activity, the gym, work…or pour something onto it…cigarettes, alcohol, food.  But this energy seems to have a will of it’s own, and it doesn’t seem to feel comfortable in my skin.  I know how it feels.  This morning it settled in my chest at 6:30 am and spun incessantly into little dervishes of worry…finances, health, how I act in the world.  I tried to calm it with reason, promises, threats, all to no avail.  It would not be consoled.

l I finally surrendered, getting out of bed and trying to pretend that being up this early isn’t strange to me.  I wasn’t angry or frustrated, though.  Something has turned around inside me recently, and to be honest I’m not sure what to make of it, so I’m just trying to go with things.

In part, I think the restlessness could be related to some news I got yesterday.  A friend of mine from CVE died over the weekend, and I’m still in a bit of shock from it.  I knew her pretty well, and while it didn’t exactly come out of the blue, it was pretty unexpected.  She had worked hard to walk the path of recovery and keep herself healthy, and while I know she often couldn’t see it in herself, she was an amazing testament to what people can come back from.  She was an inspiration and I will miss her.

Mar

18

Not for the faint of heart

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Or anyone who is squeamish or can’t access their inner 12 year old boy. Hi-larious pilot from Cartoon Network for a show that (alas) never got picked up. Rainbow of pain…awesome….

Mar

5

Photo Op

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Overheard in a very quiet, very packed sauna at the gym:

[woooshhhhhh (sauna sounds)]

Girl: So do you think she’d take a picture if I asked her?

Guy: Of what?

Girl: Of my cervix.

[woooshhhh] Two of us innocent bystanders look to see if she’s serious and then look at each other…she’s at least pretending to be serious

Guy: Ummm…I don’t know…why would you want that?

Girl: I don’t know…(chews her lower lip)

I mean she’s down there already with a light and everything.

[woooshhhhh]

Girl: What…you think it’s weird or something.

Guy: Ummm…

Girl: I guess you’d just end up of a super big picture of a vagina.

Guy: Ummm…yea…that’s kinda weird

Girl: I guess I could ask her to zoom in or something

I heart people….this guy’s my hero:

glumbert - How NOT to firebomb a nightclub

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